The first day of school was here, and Ella was so nervous. She was astonished as her mom pulled up to the front of the building to drop her off. “Mom, I didn’t know it was going to be THIS big…” Her mother sweetly replied, “Sweetie, you can do this! You’re a rockstar.”
"I am a rock star, I am a rock star, I am a rock star," Ella kept repeating to herself in her mind.
She went to her classes, and even made some new friends to sit with at lunch. This was easier than she thought it would be. It wasn’t until the very end of her first day when Ella saw them – the popular girls. She gawked until one of her new friends interjected, “That’s Mandy Mason. She’s the most popular and powerful girl in this school. She’s Senior Class President, she started a ton of the clubs on campus, she’s an honor student, plus she’s captain of the cheer squad.”
Ella went home and told her parents all about her successful first day. She was happy with how it went, and was even a little bit excited for day two. She wanted to be friends with Mandy Mason.
Ella woke up and headed to school with her mom. She walked into school only to be greeted by the school bully.
“Hey new girl. Did you get that outfit from your grandma?” All the others laughed.
Ella began walking away when she saw her. Mandy Mason was walking right up to her.
“Hey girl, don’t worry about them. If you hang around me for a while, they’ll be worshiping you. Come with me.”
“O- Okay… My name is E-“
“Ella Fischer. I know. You’re in grade 9, you’re from California, and you’re a straight A student.”
“H-how do you know all that?” How did she know all that?
“I know everything about the new students! Especially the impressive ones. Now here we are. This is my locker. We meet here after every class period. Can you do that?”
“We?” asked Ella.
Mandy replied, “Our group! Keep up, Ella. Before school, we meet in the girl’s room. Before lunch, we meet by the water fountain. And we do homework together every night.”
Overwhelmed, Ella said, “Great! I’ll see you at the water fountain for lunch!”
“Fast learner, good work, El,” Mandy said, pleased.
And so it began – her training. Before Ella even knew it, she had gotten in with the cool crowd. It’s like everything she had wished for had come true! Immediately after her encounter with Mandy Mason, Ella was treated completely different. All the senior boys suddenly wanted to talk to her, girls wanted to be her friend, the cheer squad put her on the team. Following Mandy’s rules seemed like a fair price to pay to be popular. But would it all be worth it?
Author's Note
This story is derived from the story of Ekalavya. Ekalavya is a boy who admired and looked up to Drona his whole life. The young boy so badly desired to be Drona's pupil, and was willing to do anything for it. I modernized this story in the context of a high school in Florida. A typical story about a girl moving to a new school, wanting to be popular and fit in with the 'cool crowd.' It's a less dramatic and extreme scenario than in the PDE Mahabharata, but the same concept nonetheless. Ekalavya was truly willing to do anything to be Drona's pupil. Dona once asked Ekalavya for the thumb off his right hand, and Ekalavya did as he was told. In my story, Ella is eager to fit in and follow the lead of Mandy, but she would never cut her thumb off for her. We can all relate to wanting to fit in at some point in our lives, so I thought this would be cool to write about. And although this classifies as a "typical story" and maybe even a cliche, I think the topic is still relevant and completely relatable!! I decided to use a photo from Mean Girls, a movie that I am sure most of you reading have at least heard of. There is not much meanness happening in my story, but it's the same concept of a new girl getting in with a certain group of people! I was not even thinking about Mean Girls as I was writing the story, but as soon I read it over again, I totally saw it.
Bibliography
PDE Mahabharata. Link to reading.
Mean Girls. Image Source: YouTube.
I had so much fun reading this story! My favorite part had to be how the popular girl interrupts Ella, and surprises her with how much she already knew about her. This basically told me this girl knows EVERYONE. Your writing made it easy for me to feel the surprised emotion Ella must have felt. What if you wrote a bit more about Ella’s inner thoughts? It would be a good way to really get inside the character’s head, and let your readers in on the emotions. I was also left wondering about all the things Ella admired about Mandy. What was so great about her besides the fact that she seemed to know everyone at school? I just wanted a bit more insight on Mandy’s life. You could possibly write more about Mandy, and her home life? I also want to know was it worth following Mandy’s rules. These are just suggestions, but I truly enjoyed your story! Great work!
ReplyDeleteI thought your story was very interesting. I like how the popular girl ended up helping her rather than being mean. I think the usual for this type of story is the popular girl to end up embarrassing or betraying the student that just moved there. Any who, I liked that aspect. One thing I would like if it was expanded on was the relationship she built with the popular girl and her friends. Maybe you could list some specific instances where they hung out and what she had to change in herself to be accepted by that group. It would be an interesting idea to expand on if you needed more material for your story. Another topic I think you could expand on is the personality of the main character. I know she is a nervous new student, but what does she like? Maybe she could be a musician, or a really techy person. Who knows, it would be cool to see more about her.
ReplyDeleteHi, Emma! I really liked your story. I think it a very relatable topic for most people. I honestly didn't think of Mean Girls at all until you mentioned it at the end. While this type of story has been told many times before, you did a great job of making it your own. I like how you switched up this familiar story topic and made it different from the typical, cliché storyline. I like how the popular girl was nice and helpful. She also seemed as though she would be a good friend to Ella. I do wish that you would give more details about how her relationship with Mandy developed. At the end of the story, you mentioned that she had to follow Mandy's rules but you never really mentioned what her rules were. It would be great if you could give some background to their relationship and what Mandy demanded of Ella. Overall, great story though!
ReplyDeleteHey Emma! I’m from the Myth-Folklore class, so I haven’t read the original story, but I think you did a fantastic job of adapting it based on the summary I read in the author’s note. I personally chose this story to read because the first paragraph totally grabbed my attention. It sounded like something I would read on the back of a teen fiction novel at Barnes and Noble. I am totally guilty of reading those kinds of books, their just so light hearted and fun! I enjoyed your story from start to finish, and I even wish there were more “chapters” to read. I want to see what else happens….does she enjoy being part of the “popular” group? Is this popular girl nice or is she an evil dictator like Regina George from mean girls? I think my eagerness to read more is a reflection on your talent as a writer, so great job!
ReplyDeleteEmma, I like how you chose to arrange the story around an experience that all college students can share, entering the ninth grade. I could almost feel Ellas nervousness at the beginning of the story as well as getting to see "who's who" on the first day. I like how you made the popular girl, Mandy be inclusive and amicable, while most stories depict the popular or in group as hateful an rude. You are right that the story follows "typical story" pattern; however, it is relative to the Indian Epic that you chose to modernize. One thing that I did notice was that your story was very brief. I feel that it reached the climax and resolution very quickly. One thing that you can do to make the story longer is expound on how the main character was feeling internally about moving to Jensen beach with her parents. You could also go into detail about how her first day with "the group" felt to her. Great job!
ReplyDeleteEmma I like your story a lot. I like how you took an old story and brought it to life in the modern-day world. I like the fact that it was something relatable. In your author’s note you are right, everyone wants to fit in at one point or another. I liked that you also changed the characters to females and the way you set up the story was really great! Some feedback, I think that your authors note could use more details from the original story so the reader has a better grasp of how the story you wrote related to the original. I found it interesting that you did not realize it was modernized as Mean Girls until after you read over it a second time. I instantly starting thinking of Mean Girls as soon as I started to read your story and then I saw the picture at the end and thought it was absolutely perfect for this story. Overall, really great job!
ReplyDeleteEmma, I immediately knew I wanted to read this story that you had written when I was scrolling through and saw the picture that you had chosen to go with it. It was really interesting to read the twist you put on the traditional story to get it to kind of fit in with the Mean Girls idea. I think that you could not have said it better than people really do just want to fit in at some point. You used the dialogue in a great way and I think that it really provided good information to the story so I would say continue to use this element as much as you can in future stories. You took a story that everyone really knows and has good understanding of and made it something so fresh and interesting. I was intrigued when you said you didn't originally write the story inspired by mean girls but only realized it after you had written it. That is something super cool! Keep up the good work, can't wait to read more interesting stories from you!
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